Feb 20, 2015

15 Minutes With... The 36 Questions

On every 15 Minutes With… post, there will be a Q&A with people whom I think are interesting and amusing. Some of them might be famous, semi-famous, or totally unknown to the public. Some of them might be my old friends, or some complete strangers whom I've been stalking online :) It doesn’t matter at all. What matters is, to me, they are inspiring human beings, and I hope our talks would be inspiring to you as well.

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15 Minutes With... The 36 Questions

Happy Valentine’s Month! Selain Imlek, perayaan yang paling dikomersialisasikan di bulan Februari adalah Valentine. Alhasil, pajangan hati ada di setiap lantai mall. Kontes Instagram wefie bareng pacar betebaran di social media. Pokoknya laaaaf melulu.

Karena gue nggak mau kalah, 15 Minutes With… bulan ini juga akan fokus kepada tema cinta. Tapi, nggak seperti 15 Minutes With… sebelum-sebelumnya, kali ini gue akan fokus kepada pertanyaannya, bukan jawabannya.

Subjeknya siapa, kak? Kalian sendiri.

***

Ada sebuah penelitian yang dilakukan oleh psikologis Arthur Aron. Menurut beliau, dua orang—siapapun, bahkan strangers—bisa ‘dibikin’ saling jatuh cinta dengan cepat. Caranya, mereka harus saling menjawab 36 pertanyaan spesifik, lalu saling menatap mata selama empat menit non-stop.

36 pertanyaan ini dibagi menjadi tiga bagian, dan pertanyaan-pertanyaannya semakin lama semakin sensitif dan memaksa kita untuk membuka diri, membuat kedua subjek merasa dekat.

Metode ini udah di-tes di laboratorium, dan kedua subjek sukses jatuh cinta, bahkan sampe menikah. Padahal sebelum tanya-tanyaan, mereka nggak saling kenal, lho.

Seorang penulis, Mandy Len Catron, juga bereksperimen dengan 36 pertanyaan ini, lalu melaporkan hasilnya lewat sebuah artikel di New York Times. Intinya, dese pun sukses jatuh cinta dengan lawan bicaranya, seorang kolega kerja di universitas tempat dia ngajar.

Gue dan Teguh iseng-iseng nyoba jawab 36 pertanyaan ini, tapi sama sekali nggak dilakukan sesuai aturan. Pertama, we are a married couple, not strangers who wants to be in love. Kedua, kami ngejawabnya secara tertulis, bukan lisan, sehingga nggak ada rasa connected dalam tanya-jawab ini. Ketiga, kami melongkap beberapa pertanyaan, karena kepanjangan untuk dijabarkan secara tulisan. Keempat, Teguh ngelakuinnya dengan terpaksa dan nggak serius (“Ini pertanyaan banyak amat, sih?! Aku telat ngantoooor!” JITAK.) Kelima, kagak pake tatap-tatapan mata empat menit lah, yao!

So grab someone you like, prepare yourselves, and ask these following questions. Jangan lupa tatap-tatapan matanya, ya, matekkk.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?


Teguh: A comedian. Jerry Seinfeld would be my obvious choice. Steve Harvey made me laugh a lot recently, after I watch clips of Family Feuds in Youtube. I also think Tina Fey would be excellent.

Laila: My favorite blogger, Joanna Goddard! Or someone really funny, but non-threatening. Kalo orbek, mungkin Lena Dunham. Kalo non-orbek, my friend Peter or Wahyu from high-school. They have the best, funniest one-liners.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?


Teguh: Enggak.

Laila: Yes, in an anonymous way. Kayak Sia atau Daft Punk. Jadi yang terkenal adalah karya gue, bukan muka gue.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?


Teguh: Yes, for business calls.

Laila: Ya, setiap telponan sama pacar / gebetan jaman SMP sampai SMA. Karena dari dulu gue orangnya gugupan banget.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?


Teguh: Bangun siang, jalan-jalan seharian bareng anak-istri ke taman bermain, kebun binatang, atau sekedar mall, pulang kecapekan, trus tidur sambil meluk anak gue dari belakang.

Laila: A day at any Disney parks with my loved ones. Dengan catatan, cuaca harus cerah tapi dingin, dan antrian tiap wahana nggak lebih dari 10-15 menit. Duh, ngebayanginnya aja hatiku udah mojrot.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?


Teguh: Semalem, nyanyi Sakitnya Tuh Disini buat Raya.

Laila: Kemaren pagi, di rumah. Karoke I Love Your Smile-nya Shanice, lengkap pake minus one dari Youtube.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?


Teguh: The body, as it will allow me to do all the physical things like travelling, playing soccer/tennis, and others. I don’t mind if I am mentally a 90-years-old man, if the payoff is being able to move around easily.

Laila: The mind. Menjadi incapable secara fisik itu bikin frustrasi, tapi menjadi incapable secara pikiran lebih bikin frustrasi lagi. As long as you have your mind, the world is still your playground. Liat, dong, Professor X-nya X-Men.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?


Teguh: Exactly how Michael Corleone from The Godfather died. As a mafia he committed many major sins and so the movie depicts him to die a lonely death at a remote Italian village, falling from a chair where no one is attending to him, and when falls to the ground, a dog licks him.

Laila: Actually, yes. In a plane crash.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.


Teguh: Kami berdua sama-sama suka travelling, nggak suka beli barang-barang mewah, dan hobi tidur.

Laila:
Sama-sama anak rumahan
Sama-sama bukan foodie dan nggak rewel sama rasa, kualitas dan gizi makanan,
Sama-sama nggak mengejar kemewahan dan enteng hati dalam ngasih duit untuk bantu orang kesusahan (anjir, ini harus masuk @Tweet_riya)

Tambah satu lagi, boleh? We usually also don’t like the same kind of people.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?


Teguh: My father. He is such a strong character, that I felt protected throughout my formative years.

Laila: Teguh, although not all the time.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?


Teguh: I wish I were raised in a big city. I was born and raised in Jambi, and sometimes I feel I still have the inferiority complex of a small town boy.

Laila: Gue pengennya dibesarkan dengan lebih mandiri dan lebih tough. Karena terlalu diketekin seumur idup, gue merasa gue tumbuh menjadi seseorang anxious, penakut, lembek, kurang gigih, dan nggak punya basic life skills. I also wished I wasn’t raised with such an offensive mother.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

**skipping this!**

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?


Teguh: Kemampuan untuk membaca dan mempengaruhi pikiran orang.

Laila: Kemampuan untuk nggak ngantukan melulu.

Entah karena darah rendah atau apa ya, sejak SMA, gue orangnya ngantukan barat sampai pada tahap nggak normal. Sampe kuliah, gue dikenal sebagai si Laila-yang-tidur-mulu di berbagai pojokan kelas, bahkan ketika gue harus duduk berhadapan sama dosen, sampe ngiler-ngiler segala. Jaman masih ngantor, dalam sehari, gue pasti nyolong tidur di kubikel toilet 15 menit, dua kali sehari.

Sekarang ini, gue merasa nggak bisa jadi ibu yang baik karena nggak bisa menyelesaikan banyak hal dalam sehari, dan kurang sabar sama anak, gegara ngantukan itu tadi.

Padahal percayalah, gue tidur 8 jam atau lebih dalam sehari.

Terlepas apapun anggapan orang, this is not laziness, kurang tidur, atau gizi buruk. It is also not funny. I am planning to check it with the doctors.

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?


Teguh: If my family and my marriage would be fine and pass the test of time.

Laila: If my marriage with Teguh lasts. Also, I need to know if Raya turns out OK. Whether I raise him right.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?


Teguh: Keliling dunia bareng bokap gue untuk nonton berbagai turnamen Grand Slam. Belum terwujud karena mahal dan waktu kami terbatas. But this year, we are going to watch our first Grand Slam in Paris!

Laila: Nggak ada, hihihi. Kalo kata quote-quote Instagram, dream big! Nah, gue nggak punya mimpi apa-apa. I usually go with the flow with no targets. I’m such an underachiever.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Teguh: Dapet beasiswa ke Singapura. Bukan prestasi yang luar biasa banget, sih, tapi sampai sekarang, gue merasa nggak punya prestasi lain yang bisa mengalahkan itu. The experience also changed my life’s course the most.

Laila: Taking double major in college and succeeding in both (nggak telat lulus, IPK 3-koma). Ini prestasi karena dari SD sampe SMA, I was a super lousy student.
 

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Teguh: Reliability. I have a friend whom I don’t visit or talk often, but I know if one day I call to tell him I am in jail in Zambia, he would take the first flight to rescue me.

Laila: Sense of humor and hatred towards the same people, HAHAHA! Bergunjing itu penting.

17. What is your most treasured memory?


Teguh: Waktu anak gue harus diopname karena demam tinggi, sementara istri gue lagi di luar negeri. The experience allowed me to get really close to my son.

Laila: Melihat Raya pertama kali, setelah dia ditarik keluar dari perut gue.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

Teguh: Setiap berantem sama istri.

Laila: Banyak, dan kebanyakan berhubungan dengan nyokap gue.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

Teguh: Absolutely. I will leave immediately all career-chasing activities, travel intensely, and give numerously to the needy.

Laila: Pastinya. Gue bakal perbanyak ibadah (tipikal ya…), shut down my social medias, eat the most delicious, most unhealthiest junk food everyday, and stop berbasa-basi hanging out with people I don’t like that much.

20. What does friendship mean to you?


Teguh: It means whenever we need help, true friends will come forward without thinking. Reliability is important.

Laila: It means reliability and lots, lots, lots of laughs together.
 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Teguh: Gue dibesarkan di keluarga yang besar dan penyayang, dan gue akan membesarkan anak-anak gue dengan cara yang sama.

Laila: Kalo kata Warkop DKI, “Wah, gede banget!” Love is the source of my energy and creativity. All my life, I am always in love with someone… or something. Jadi kalo lagi nggak sayang sama siapa-siapa, I usually have an intense hobby or obsession.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

Teguh:
  • She is intensely passionate.
  • She is a loving mother.
  • She shies away from material things.
  • She prefers experience over items.
  • She is a great storyteller.

Laila:
  • He is an excellent father, husband, son, and son-in-law. Selalu sabar dan perhatian kepada keluarga sepenuh hati.
  • Nggak pernah silau sama kemewahan. Walaupun misalnya suatu hari kekayaan kami ngalahin Bakrie, Teguh akan tetep nyuruh gue nyari akomodasi termurah di Airbnb setiap kali kami traveling, zzzz.
  • He always says “yes” to my demands and crazy ideas.
  • He is super smart and a hard worker.
  • Some guys are crazy for junk food, cigarettes, or alcohol. My husband is crazy for fruits.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Teguh: Yes, my childhood is reasonably happy. My childhood family is pretty close. My current family—maksudnya sama in-lawshas some rooms for improvement, lah, but we’re getting there!

Laila: With my parents and sibling, we’re not at all close and warm. Quite far, cold, and rather dysfunctional. Lucunya, menurut gue masa kecil gue cukup bahagia.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Teguh: Baik, walaupun gue lebih deket sama seorang tante yang membesarkan gue, sementara ibu gue sibuk mengejar karir.

Laila: On a scale 1 to 10, our relationship is at -5. It’s pretty bad and weird.

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

Teguh:
We are both in this room feeling humid
We are both in this room feeling sleepy
We are both in this room feeling a little hungry


Laila:
We secretly want another baby this year.
We both adore our son.
We both can’t sleep right now
(waktu setempat 3 A.M.)

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

Teguh: My sports complex goals. I always wanted to own a sports complex.

Laila: “I wish I had someone I could share my interests with.“ Most of my interests are not so common—theme parks, dancing, blogging, horror stories, comedy series with no laugh tracks, and many others.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

Teguh: That I treasure my moments of privacy.

Laila: I am not an easy person to live with, but at some (right) moments, I am more fun and exciting than the New Year’s fireworks. Beneran, deh.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

Teguh: I look forward to spend the rest of my life with you.

Laila: I know I’m not easy to live with, but you stick with me.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

Teguh: Dulu, waktu adek gue nikah—dia nikah duluan sebelum gue—gue diledek abis-abisan oleh seluruh keluarga soal kejombloan gue sepanjang acara.

Laila: Waktu gue di-skors jaman SMP for something I did not do. Skandal!

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

Teguh: Tahun lalu, sendirian di toilet rumah sakit, ketika anak gue harus diopname sementara istri gue lagi di luar negeri. I felt like a really useless father.

Laila: Last week, pas baru bangun tidur banget, in front of Teguh and Raya, because I dreamt that Raya was being kidnapped.

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

Teguh: You’re hot (what?)

Laila: You are a good father and husband, uhuy.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Teguh: My past suspicions for my wife. (what? part 2)

Laila: A child’s death.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

Teguh: I’d regret for not telling my father, how I am very grateful for everything he ever did. In real life, it’s a touchy talk we can never do.

Laila: That—despite everything—I love my parents and appreciate the good things they did for me. Also, I would regret not apologizing properly to my husband for being such a lousy wife. (bok, kok jadi berat amat yak…)

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Teguh: Foto-foto masa kecil gue.

Laila: Henfon. Jawaban standar anak kota abad 21 amat, ya. Alasannya karena henfon memberi akses komunikasi dan Internet, dan sekarang ini, kebanyakan memori kita tersimpan di Internet.

(Speaking of which, I don’t tell every single event of my life here on my blog. Salah satunya, rumah gue beneran kebakaran sekitar bulan November 2014 kemaren.

Kejadiannya jam 9 malam, dan gue cuma berduaan Raya di rumah, plus pembantu. Ortu lagi umroh, Teguh masih meeting, adek gue dan keluarganya lagi makan keluar. Gue nggak akan pernah lupa rasanya panas api menerpa muka saat gue merosot ke bawah tangga, terbirit-birit lari keluar sambil gendong Raya, cuma pake daster tanpa beha, tanpa alas kaki, dan menyaksikan rumah gue mengeluarkan asap hitam dari segala penjuru, like a huge dragon.)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

Teguh: My father. Dreamt twice he died, both time I cried in the dream, and I continue crying after waking up.

Laila: My son, for obvious reasons.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

**skipping this!**

***

Komen yang kami lontarkan sepanjang nulis jawaban-jawaban diatas adalah, “Panjang amaaaat!” dan “Kok nggak kelar-kelar, sih?”. Dan ketika akhirnya selesai, we were exhausted and I was a bit emotional. Ada beberapa jawaban Teguh yang udah gue duga, tapi ada banyak juga yang nggak. Ada beberapa pertanyaan yang bikin gue nggak nyaman, bahkan nggak gue jawab dengan 100% jujur. Namanya juga pencitraan, 'kan mau di-publish, hihihi.

Pokoknya pengen aku ulek si Arthur Aron ini!

Kesimpulannya, mungkin 36 Pertanyaan Cinta ini bisa bikin dua orang strangers jatuh cinta, tapi untuk sepasang suami istri dengan hubungan yang susah dijelaskan, it is actually tiring and a bit scary.


How did you go?


20 comments:

  1. wow, some of your answers really resonate my answers :O and it's good to know that i'm not alone about those things :)

    cobain juga ah sama suamiku *kalo dia mau hahaha*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mbak Lai,
    Nggak tau kenapa, tapi ini postingamu yang paling bikin gremet-gremet.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aku GMZ deh sama Lailaaa. Pinter ter ter banget beneran deh ceritanya.

    as always, another great post (yang kadang gue curi2 baca pas jam kantor ahahaha). Laaaaff.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ya ampunnn mauu akh contek idenya

    btw yg kicik itu anak siapa yah? kok seperti terpaksa dan tersiksa gitu

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tiring and a bit confusing kalo aku sih.
    Ga bikin makin cinta juga sama suami. Hahaha.. Biasa aja tuh.
    *dikeplak Arthur Aron*

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mohon maaf La... tapi gue paling nyantol yang jawaban Teguh nyanyiin Sakitnya Tuh Di Sini buat Raya huahahahah. Soalnya gue abis gantiin baju anak gue tadi pas sblm tidur, dan gue jg senandungin lagu itu. Memang lagu yg ancur kadang2 lebih nyantol.

    Kalo gue liat jawaban-jawabannya, Teguh itu bener-bener sayang bokapnyaaaa. Lalu elu nomer dua. Kalau elu, bener-bener sayang Rayaaa... dan Teguh nomer dua. *Analisa sotoy* Jadi, abis itu elu tambah lope-lope dan mau menikah lagi untuk kedua kalinya gak? (tetep dengan Teguh maksudnya).

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sudah dicoba mbak Leia, hasilnya bikin laper sama kepala panas.
    Ternyata so drama sekali idup saya, doi mah cowo jd jawabnya sekenanya😒

    ReplyDelete
  8. Laila, belakangan orang2 punya sebutan utk perilaku Sporean or orang yg udah kelamaan tinggal disana, as: Kiasu. Agree or not? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bukan belakangan, Anonymous, tapi dari dulu banget. Hubungannya sama ini apa? :)

      Delete
  9. aku nyobain juga mba Lei, tapi karena LDR sama suami, akhirnya lewat... email !!
    makin ga taat aturan ya, hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ttg Kiasu, nyamber aja, kan ceritanya lagi mengexplore pasangan :)

    Oya, #24, gw kutipin dari film Her (imdb), mungkin dia terinspirasi dari Arthur Aron ini.

    OS1 Commercial Lead: Mr. Theodore Twombly, welcome to the worlds first artificially intelligent operating system, OS1. We'd like to ask you a few basic questions before the operating system is initiated. This will help create an OS to best fit your needs.
    Theodore: Okay.
    OS1 Commercial Lead: Are you social or anti-social?
    Theodore: I guess I haven't really been social in a while, mostly because...
    OS1 Commercial Lead: In your voice I sense hesitance. Would you agree with that?
    Theodore: Was I sounding hesitant?
    OS1 Commercial Lead: Yes.
    Theodore: Well, sorry if I was sounding hesitant. I was just trying to be more accurate.
    OS1 Commercial Lead: Would you like the OS to have a male or female voice?
    Theodore: Female, I guess.
    OS1 Commercial Lead: How would you describe your relationship with your mother?
    Theodore: Well, it's fine, I think. Um... well, actually, I think the thing I've always found frustrating about my mom is, you know, if I... if I tell her something that's going on in my life, her reaction is usually about her, it's not about...
    OS1 Commercial Lead: Thank you. Please wait as your individualized operating system is initiated.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wah riset dan bacaan bagas indyang! Gua coba ah sama Trizoola, kalau jadinya hubungan renggang, yastraa..falalala..

    Ketika menemukan penelitian ini lagi cari topik apa sih mak..topik sapalas.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Kak Laila,
    terima kasih udah mau berbagi hal-hal yang cukup pribadi :) nanti mau iseng coba ah ehehehe.. Aku pikir mungkin juga menarik untuk coba ini sama keluarga/teman dekat. Pasti akan belajar banyak hal baru dari jawaban-jawabannya.

    Aku ketawa pas baca salah satu kesukaan Kak Laila komedi tanpa laugh track soalnya barusan banget nonton Brooklyn Nine Nine dan itu tanpa laugh track dan kocak banget!!! Udah nonton kah? You should!
    Semoga sehat selalu sekeluarga ya Kak :)

    Silka

    ReplyDelete
  13. Very intriguing tapi aku takuuutt.. semacam menepung air di dulang dan terpecik ke muka sendiri dan suami gak sih Mbak?
    Maklum pernikahan baru seumur jagung..
    anw, Mas Teguh is such a sweet man..
    dan yaa benaarrrr..aku, suami dan sahabat2ku biasanya benci/gak suka/gak nyaman sama orang yg sama.. kemiripan menarik kemiripan..

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love love love this post...
    jawabannya bapak T bener2 laki banget ya, esp soal friendship :D

    ReplyDelete
  15. So, ur HOT ha?!

    Hahaha...

    ReplyDelete
  16. boleh juga dicoba ini mah! *geret pacar* daripade nungguin 'dijemput' jodoh :p

    ReplyDelete
  17. hebat juga bisa menjawab hampir semua pertanyaan, lucu2 ya...pingin juga nyobain sama pasangan, tapi kira-kira tertarik ga tuh ya suami aku..hehehe...
    patut dicoba nih

    ReplyDelete